Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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