Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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