end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
