he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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