When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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