too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
