and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
