It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
