I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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