wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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