your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
