I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
