Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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