South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
