Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
