I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
