Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hippo gnu deer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
