Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
