He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
