hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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