Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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