i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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