I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
