So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
