My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
