Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And then he peed in my hair
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