I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
