There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
