There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
