dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
