He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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