I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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