Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
