Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
