New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
