he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
