Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
