Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
