sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
