If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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