I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
