i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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