wat bout pragnant strippers??
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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