I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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