you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
