I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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