So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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