5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
