Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
