omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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