pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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