I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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