He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize