it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
