you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
