Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
