He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
