oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
