god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
