Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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