Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
