its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
