I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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