you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
