So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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