Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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