no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
