I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
