It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize