I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
