garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
