How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the condom got lost in my hair
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
