it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
