I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
