What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
