Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize