Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
