man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
