Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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