1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
