if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize