Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
