it hurts more in the daytime
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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