After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
