i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
