Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
