I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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