my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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