A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
