i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
