i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
