Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
