OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
