Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
whose parrot is this?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
