My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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