I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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