Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
