just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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