So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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