the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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