That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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