Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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