My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
