there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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