Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
