You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
